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Joke of the Day

"COP: PUT YOUR HANDS UP OCTOPUS: They're tentacles COP: OK PUT ALL 8 TENTACLES UP OCTOPUS: Two are my legs, dude COP: Just go. I give up."

"I'm sorry I got you birth control for Christmas and said it was my gift to the world."

"I just found out that people can still read words when they're in parentheses and holy shit do I have a bunch of apologies to write."

"Why does a dog lick his balls? Because he can't curve his paw into a little fist"

"I used to work in a helium factory... But I left, because I didn't like the way they spoke to me... [Read the second part with a helium voice.]"

"I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now."

"What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Poop. There, you happy?"

"Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?"

"My GF's anti aging cream went bad. HOW DOES ANTI AGING CREAM HAVE AN EXPIRATION DATE?!"

"Ever seen an elephant hiding in a cherry tree? No? Well, they must be hiding pretty good"