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Joke of the Day

"I like to eat a handful of paperclips right before I walk through a metal detector cuz I got all day, pal."

"Why did the polish spy fail in his mission to blow up Hitlers car. He kept burning his lips on the muffler."

"How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Nobody knows, the never get to keep the house."

"Keeping a blood capsule in my mouth for the next guy who tells me to smile."

"What do you call a virus named Enza that causes the flu? a flu Enza. Thanks a lot everyone, I looked forward to this day for a long time."

"Two Irish men talking. - I saw my girlfriend going to the movies with another guy the other night. - Oh my god. Did you follow them? - No. - Why not? - I had watched the movie before."

"Jews don't recognise Jesus Protestants don't recognise the Pope Baptists don't recognise each other at the liquor store"

"Dont lie about your job, just word it better. Ex: ""I handle client transactions at a fortune 500 multi-national corp"" vs ""I cashier at KFC"""

"What do you call an emo vegetable? A despair-agus"

"I have an outstanding credit score and even know a dude named Tanner but I'm still not white enough to drink pumpkin beer."