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Joke of the Day

"I'm surprised ABC hasn't resolved the Healthcare Crisis with a new reality show. Extreme Makeover: Universal Healthcare Edition."

"Research shows that the number one cause of divorce in America is Marriage"

"I told my wife I wanted her to spread my ashes for traction when the back porch gets icy That way she can put me to work and step on me one last time."

"How long does it take to tune a double bass? Nobody knows."

"Take me with you! I shout to every airplane that flies over my house."

"Duck in my soup. Me: Waiter, there's a duck in my soup... Waiter: That's a pond, you're at a park, I'm just here with my family, will you put some pants on?"

"Baby, let's stay up all night and watch people Instagram the sunrise."

"Tripler's Dating Tips 20/50: hide a tape recorder in your pocket with a laugh track on it and press play after every single thing you say"

"What's the best joke you ever heard? For me, it's gotta be Emo Phillips' Baptist joke. Although to tell it you've gotta get his execution down."

"What do you get if you cross the Titanic with The Sixth Sense? Icey dead people."