128967

Joke of the Day

"Today, I've been cleaning. And by cleaning I mean drinking wine and spraying everything with Febreze."

"I'll take a Clooney, and 2 Upton's please. Turned to my wife and said, ""Amazon is buying Twitch for 1 billion. She said ""the dancer?"" . . yea hun, the dancer."

"Greeting card [cover] Sorry to hear about your Alzheimer's [inside] Sorry to hear about your Alzheimer's"

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? He walked . . . . . . . . . . . . . J.K..................... Rowling"

"What's a russian's favorite golf club? A putin wedge."

"It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too. "

"I just want to give a shoutout to the ancients for inventing the calendar. It has made my day."

"*brushes teeth for seventeen hours straight before dentist appointment* ""Jessica, there is an entire Oreo behind your second molar."""

"My girlfriend used to do flashy shows on a chair for me. It was electrical."

"This is a joke about my balls but its pretty funny Why were my balls wet? cause i dipped em' in the wishing well! LOL"