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Joke of the Day

"Today i learned that the average person has 8 sexual partners in their lifetime Today i also learned im a whore"

"I'm agnostic. What happens to me when I die? Idk. (I decay)"

"Doctor: This patient needs exercise. Get him a walker. No that's a zombie I wanted a walk-oh I see what you did there, nurse [Everyone dies]"

"Brain: What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on? Do the math! Me: Seriously?! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow"

"Vacuumed a section of carpet 20 times before I realized I was trying to clean up a patch of sunshine. Intellectual powerhouse. Right here."

"What does toilet paper and office paper have in common? You can write on both of them with a No. 2"

"What does electron and proton say when they go to war? Chaaaarge!!"

"I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?"

"whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? ...one is a little lighter"

"Born Too Late To Explore The Earth, Born too early to explore the galaxy, Born at just the right time to have sex with virtual reality anime chicks."