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Joke of the Day

"How do cities decide who gets to be in charge of wastewater management? They hold a runoff election."

"Wife: You only half-listen to me. You're in a boatload of trouble. Me: Yes, let's buy a boat."

"I'm in a band called called Dyslexia We've just released our greatest shit album"

"Dog ate raw chicken so I called the vet to see what I could do He asked what I think they eat in the wild. Basically, he called me an idiot"

"We've got an aviary at home, Sadly one of our birds of prey will only exercise at night to 80's music. Our Kestrel Manoeuvres In The Dark"

"My wife gave me a brochure on anger management the other day. I lost it."

"Apple Released A Pack of Playing Cards that Only has 48 Cards They removed all the Jacks"

"Sent this guy 27 texts in the last hour and haven't heard back so I guess I should probably drive over to his house and make sure he's okay."

"Reading the Cheesecake Factory menu. Don't tell me how it ends!"

"Cops are raiding Justin Bieber's house looking for eggs. Seriously. Eggs. I can't make this shit up. This is why other countries hate us."