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Joke of the Day

"Sent this guy 27 texts in the last hour and haven't heard back so I guess I should probably drive over to his house and make sure he's okay."

"I was thinking about making a chemistry joke But all the good ones argon."

"did u hear about the crow that landed a job? he works in a caw center. he's winging it for now but it might take off"

"My ""Sleep Number"" is vodka."

"My cremated aunt used to give great advice. She always told me that you have to urn your place in life."

"what did mick jagger say when he caught hugh hefner and dennis weaver in the bedroom together? hey, hugh, get off of mccloud."

"What's the best nation in the world? Donation. What's the best city in the world? Generosity."

"What is Cersei Lannister's favorite American city? Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love."

"If we are talking and I reach up and slowly turn my bear suit head around backward, our conversation is over."

"I was tailgating a slow driver earlier. He brake checked, flipped me off, and when that didn't work he turned his police lights on. Jerk."