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Joke of the Day

"Do you ever take a bunch of pills, forget that you took a bunch of pills, take a bunch more pills, and then die? I know. Me TOO."

"""Wow this pizza is amazing"" Yes, well it's our specialty dough. We soak it in pickle juice. Dill pickle juice actually. It's a dilldough"

"Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work because the dog just goes ""Cool, now we're both barking!"""

"I'm ""friends with beneficiaries"" years old."

"Offense: When it's a legal matter, it's pronounced o-FENCE. When it's sports, it's pronounced OFF-ence. Climbing... ? A fence."

"I figured out why prostitutes always look tired and haggard. Their job is a lot of fucking work."

"What did the burglar give his wife for her birthday? A stole."

"Somebody asked Hillary Clinton if she would be going to see 13 hours... She said no, she had already slept through that one."

"What's Bill Cosby's New Favorite Snack? Jail-O"

"African scientists are saying people who died of Ebola are coming back to life... But thats ridiculous, every one knows theres no such thing as african scientists."