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Joke of the Day

"My Dad says that the soda can is half empty.... We call him Pepsimistic."

"Why couldn't the traffic light get a date? She was wearing no turn on red. :|"

"""Usain Bolt, Trump regrets/ Gawker downed by Hogan's sex/ Manafort, Putin's pet/ Lochte lies then hops on jet/ We didn't start the fire..."""

"I have the body of a 25 year supermodel... but it takes too much space in my freezer."

"The dentist just said I need a crown, so I jumped up and yelled, ""I'm king of the dentists!"" The nitrous made it funny."

"[robbing Whole Foods] ""All the cash in a bag NOW!"" 100% organic reusable bag ok? ""Yes!"" [puts half the cash] I had to charge for the bag"

"Apparently, Bill Cosby likes his women the way he likes his Jello Pudding... ...passed out cold."

"My girlfriend thanked me for telling her a joke as she hadn't laughed since her mother died I think it was pretty disrespectful that she'd laughed when her mother died."

"what picture is guaranteed to make the front page of Reddit? Bernie Sanders sitting on a mildly interesting toilet while playing fallout 4"

"What do Bill Gates and the Pope have in common? They've both put their faith in the cloud."