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Joke of the Day

"My Dad says that the soda can is half empty.... We call him Pepsimistic."

"I can speak 10 languages. English and Binary"

"The guy who invented throat lozenges just died... I heard there will be no coffin at his funeral."

"Lettuce. Because water should be crunchy."

"Not to brag, but I've satisfied every waitress that's ever served me... With just the tip."

"I think Oranges were named before Carrots ""What are these?"" ""They're orange....oranges"" ""What about these"" ""Shit....long pointys???"" Demitri Martin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYVrp_GsinE"

"Many people are surprised to hear I'm married because I scream it at them as I descend from their broken skylight in the dead of night."

"Yesterday my Korean friend died... He was So Yung"

"I Asked My Black Friend If He Wanted to Go on a Cruise with me. He said that his ancestors made that same mistake and that he's not falling for it."

"How do you keep a idiot occupied? I will tell you how in my next post- Jk the answer's in one of the comments, look through every single one and you are destined to discover the answer."