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Joke of the Day

"[at parent-teacher night] Teacher:*looking at my coffee tumbler* I see you're a coffee enthusiast, too Me: Coffee? Oh...yeah, coffee*wink*"

"A horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""Hey."" The horse says, ""Sure."""

"Just learned an important lesson: When texting ""wish you were here,"" that last e kind of makes it or breaks it."

"People are always impressed to hear that I graduated from Harvard at 16, but you can do anything you set your mind to if you just lie."

"Before you judge a person make sure you walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."

"What's the definition of trust? Two cannibals blowing each other."

"I went into a haunted house today. All the ghosts ejaculated on my face. It was a bookkake."

"Why did the rich guy crash his car? He wanted to see how the Mercedes bends"

"How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden"

"""That's not Captain Kirk."" is what I like to say just after the pilot makes his first announcement & then everyone laughs in my head."