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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Mexican firefighter? Jose"

"6-year-old: *finds a picture she drew* Why was this in the trash? Me: 6: Me: It was too good. I didn't want to make your sisters jealous."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Some really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it."

"I would describe most of my social interactions at parties as ""when you turn on the kitchen faucet and the water hits a spoon in the sink"""

"If a Republican candidate who is hated by the GOP establishment and loathed by half the country just won the election... ...maybe Hillary should consider running as a Republican!"

"Harry Potter is actually an allegory about the emptiness of millennial hook up culture"

"How do you clear out an Afghani bingo game..? Call B52!!"

"Will you date me? breathe if yes, swim across the atlantic ocean while reciting the bible in japanese if no"

"How do you make your wife scream during sex? You call and tell her about it."

"If you slap a christian girl on the ass... Would she turn the other cheek?"