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Joke of the Day

"Went out to find a spider in my car this morning. So disappointing. I really liked that car."

"those fake living rooms at IKEA should have a couple in them trying to assemble IKEA furniture and fighting"

"What is the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly your dick in a girl's ass."

"Wife. Would you cut the label off my dress. Me. Sure *Snip* There you go. Wife. Thanks. Me. No problem. *Kicks pony tail under bed."

"What's the similarity between smoking a cigarette and eating pussy? The taste changes the closer you get to the butt."

"[1st day in heaven] God: Welcome! Have a taco and a shot of tequila. Do you like music? Me: Yeah. G: How about a little, *giggles* Nirvana?"

"Apparently 1 out of 3 people cheat in a relationship I just don't know whether it's my wife, or girlfriend."

"Two men walk into a bar... Knock, knock."

"Why did everyone love the fisherman? He was a real catch"

"Why is 10 traumatized forever? Because he was right in the middle of 9-11."