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Joke of the Day

"Hi I'm Dan, welcome to identity theft club *from back of room ""me too"" ""me too!"" ""uhhh, yeah me too"" Ok, we're off to a great start guys"

"The world is my oyster. Expensive and gross."

"What's the difference between Trump and a bucket of shit I don't have a shit bucket in my garage"

"When I say to my kids ""sit here and watch cartoons"" they hear ""come and bug me while I am trying to take naughty pictures for daddy."""

"What is the motto for the Epilepsy Research Society? Sieze the day"

"What do you call a broken square? A REKTangle"

"What's the difference between an apple and a baby? I don't cum on an apple before i eat it."

"She said she needed her space and time.. Why didn't she ask for her velocity then?!"

"Angela Merkel got sad when she heard that she didn't win the Nobel Peace Prize after taking in so many Syrian refugees So I offered her a tissue "

"A man walks into a bar It was a metal one. He hit his head and got a concussion"