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Joke of the Day

"I saw a homeless man sleeping and I thought to myself, ""What if you get mugged?"" So just to be safe, I took his guitar."

"She's the kind of girl that boys look at twice - they can't believe it the first time."

"What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If it's been forced on you as a child, you won't like it as an adult."

"It's not condescending if they're stupid."

"Mom: ""Why are your eyes dilated?"" Me: ""Your eyes dilate up to 45% when you look at something you love"" Mom: ""What were you looking at?"" Me: ""Memes"""

"I love the smell of a camp fire. It reminds me of the night we kille....nnn.....I just love smell of campfires."

"This is the story of a man named Jack. Jack was, well lets just say he was a repairman. One day while repairing the shingles on a rooftop, Jack got stuck. Will you help Jack off?"

"Why can't you take a shower with a pokemon? Cause they'll Pikachu"

"Life handed me lemonade, but I was too busy around the corner captivated by how fudge is made."

"My ex asked me what would make her new shoes look more sexy. ""Give them to your sister,"" was apparently a relationship breaking answer"