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Joke of the Day

"Where do space monsters live? In far distant terror-tory."

"I bought a shower curtain on Amazon once and now every time I log in Amazon acts like I'm the guy who fucking loves buying shower curtains."

"Sure, I'll help you find those paper cuts. -Purell"

"What's the difference between black people and cancer? Cancer got Jobs."

"Why did the iguana get a prescription for viagra? For his reptile dysfunction."

"Are you a Lawyer? ... cause you're giving me the bar"

"Anyone who's ever stood in a busy McDonald's line at 10:29am not knowing what to get has been closer to getting murdered than they realize."

"I thought my friend was a little camp... ...but he's just two tents."

"What do you call a large hairy gay man with no teeth? A gummy bear."

"I recently opened a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats Prophets are going through the roof"