127234

Joke of the Day

"A girl called me the other day and said ""Come on over, there's nobody home!"" I went over. Nobody was home."

"-911 Whats the emergency? My wife is suffocating me -Literally or figuratively sir? Well thats a stupid question. How would I be talking?"

"Grocery produce aisle ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots? CLERK: No, why do you ask? CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?"

"I legally changed my name to Edward Genocide... ...you can call me Ed G."

"You're Immature My girlfriend said that I'm too immature I said if I'm immature than why have i got an arsfor She said wats an arsefor I said shitting and giggled for 20 mins"

"What's the difference between Michael j. Fox and an earthquake? Earthquakes stop shaking"

"Nephew drops my iPad, doesn't say sorry but proceeds to offer me a biscuit. His future in Politics is secure."

"The other day I saw a sheep pole dancing in a kebab shop."

"I call my bedroom the place where the magic happens' because it's where I make my self-respect disappear."

"What do truck drivers and porn stars have in common? They both get paid by the load."