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Joke of the Day
"Just read a really great tweet that was 140,000 characters long called a book."
Next Joke
"Shout out to authentic Indian restaurants that encourage eating using only the hands. They don't give a fork."
"John buys binoculars and shows it to Bob. ""Bob, this is the coolest thing ever. Last night I saw you doing you wife"" You can return it, it's broken. Last night I was out of town"
"My boyfriend is so needy. Always demanding things like ""please untie me"" and ""just tell me who you are""."
"Just ordered a pizza and jogged past my gym holding it over my head like the Olympic torch."
"What does the torch represent in the hand of the Statue of Liberty? The torch is a symbol of her inability to read in the dark."
"Damn girl, are you an alarm clock? Because you were a good idea last night, but now I just want you to shut the fuck up."
"In a job interview ""Name?"" ""JJoon Sttutuartt"" ""Again please"" ""JJoon Sttutuartt"" ""Sir, are you a stutterer?"" ""No, my father stuttered, and the civil servant was an asshole"""
"What do you call a snake with a degree in engineering? A Boa Constructor"
"Sometimes, by holding on too tight, you end up losing what you were trying so hard to save. Soap, for example."