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Joke of the Day

"Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. No closer. Become one with your enemy. You're now your own worst enemy. Don't freak out."

"What do you call a Canadian in outer space? An Eh-lien!"

"My Catholic grandmother told me I had to give something up for lent. I told her I'd give up lent."

"Why are antivax parents so afraid of their kids getting autism? Because they know, first hand, how hard life is when you're a fucking retard."

"What do I want to do to your body? I don't know. Identify it, I guess."

"An Irish man walks out of a bar... ..."

"Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself."

"Chuck Norris can ride his bike with no handlebars..............or wheels"

"I hate when I shape my hand like a phone to tell someone to call me, but they're in their 20s and don't know what phones used to look like."

"I shall play you the song of my people *stomach growls*"