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Joke of the Day

"Me: Damn dog is under the covers again! Wife: No she's not. She's next to the bed. Me: Oh. Wife: ... Me: Might be time to shave your legs."

"What did the proctologist ask the restaurant goer? Can I push your stool in?"

"If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are together on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it sinks, who survives? America."

"My sex life is like the punch line of this joke"

"Definition of a Masochist... *Definition of a Masochist:* ***""Beat me! Beat me!""*** *Definition of a Sadist:* ***""No!""***"

"What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers? A virgin."

"I'm never condescending That's when you talk down to people."

"My girlfriend said period jokes aren't funny... So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era."

"if a picture's worth a thousand words, the people posting photos on twitter are going over by 860 characters"

"If it weren't for marriage, women would have to spend most of their adult lives arguing with complete strangers."