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Joke of the Day

"A magic 8-ball would make better life decisions for me than I do."

"Where did the piglets study their ABC's? At a school for higher loining."

"Where do fish come from? Finland!"

"Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence. "

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years... Then we met."

"Coaching my son's soccer team, I thought moms would be all over me - no! They are always, ""The popsicles are for AFTER the game."" Bitches."

"I don't understand why some snacks are ""fun-sized"", there's really nothing ""fun"" about having a smaller portion of food."

"A big shout out to my cat for hissing at an empty closet and keeping me in the bathtub holding a crucifix."

"Fred keeps telling me that he's going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world. Oh what a shame! And you've been engaged for such a long time!"

"My girlfriend likes it in the ear... because everytime I try to put it in her mouth she turns her head."