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Joke of the Day

"Smoked some weed the other night with some foreign dudes, massive language barrier... We got Rosetta Stoned."

"After I beat my dad in Go Fish, I like to shit in my underwear to celebrate. -My son, apparently"

"When I saw my new girlfriend for the first time, it was like looking at a fine piece of priceless art. So I took her home and nailed her against the wall."

"Touch it gently, put two fingers inside... if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down, push in and out... faster and faster! Yep that's how you wash a cup."

"Dark Humor is like food... Not everybody gets it."

"Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5, and 6 come out before 1, 2 and 3 Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was."

"""Sorbet"" is a French word that means, ""I wish it was ice cream."""

"Girls adore it when you guess their weight as they walk by."

"I held a door for an elderly Japanese man. He said ""Sank you."" Why did he have to bring up Pearl Harbor like that?"

"What do you call a nuclear-powered car? A mobile-Chernobyl!"