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Joke of the Day

"A Girl called me Daddy last night... So I told her I was going out to buy cigarettes and never came back."

"What did the man say while holding a square clock? I'm holding Time Square!"

"I think my new idea for DIY orthodontics is going to take the world by storm. brace yourself"

"Why can't Abraham Lincoln be convicted for murder? Because he's in a cent."

"I think Trump might be the guy to turn the US around... But I fear his next move will be to bend it over."

"Letting Russia host the Winter Olympics feels a little bit like letting Voldemort host the Quidditch Cup."

"Twitter's still doing that thing where I'm not funny."

"Obamacare? Yeah, more like ""Turn your head and Kafka."" Am I right?"

"What's Mr. T's favorite band? the Foo Fighters"

"Today I told my boyfriend he can have as much anal sex as he wants... After all it's his butt."