126757

Joke of the Day

"A Girl called me Daddy last night... So I told her I was going out to buy cigarettes and never came back."

"My hangover has been going on for so long that I'm beginning to wonder if Peter Jackson directed it."

"(A math joke.) What did the acorn say when it grew up? Gee, I'm a tree."

"A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then peppery spray by the police... he is now a seasoned veteran"

"When my large dog wants to sit beside me but my other slightly less large dog already is, he just sits on top of him"

"Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer."

"If I ever get arrested, my one phone call will be to the police station to do a bomb scare. I'm not spending the night there."

"What phrase describes both my personal life and how I feel about the /r/Ama-ggedon? Fuck /u/kn0thing"

"Why do sharks only swim in salt water? (Got this is a Cracker Jack box) Because pepper water makes them sneeze!"

"Do girls like globes without equators? I'm worried because mine is uncircumscribed."