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Joke of the Day

"If you have sex with a prostitute while she's passed out, is it rape? Or shoplifting?"

"I'm making a Band! I started a band called 999 Megabytes...we haven't gotten a gig yet."

"Never go car shopping when you're hungry for cars."

"An Irish man walks past a bar..."

"BARISTA: Would you like to try our new special Peruvian blend? It's sm- ME: I'm just trying to stay awake and not punch anyone."

"Which President had the shortest term? Grover Cleveland. He was the twenty second President."

"What has 4308 eyes, 28957 legs, and 398503 teeth? I don't know, but if you see it, RUN!"

"After sex, I pee like a pro basketball player! Lots of dribbling."

"What kind of stretches does a pencil do? Ticondeyoga"

"I was on my knees all night, screwing this nut from behind... ...when I woke up this morning, my hands were really sore."