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Joke of the Day

"<job interview> It says here on your resume that you are a ""self-proclaimed man of few words."" Would you like to elaborate on that? Me: no"

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"What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you are NOT going to like it as an adult."
"What do porn stars have and comedians are? Professional Assholes."
"What is a pirate's favorite material? Arrr-gyle."
"WARNING: KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN- DO NOT STAND TOO CLOSE TO THEM, THEY ARE GROSS AND WILL ASK YOU FOR STUFF"
"If she shovels shit at the local zoo, then she's a keeper"
"Who called it death by autoerotic asphyxiation and not final fantasy"
"What's the best part about fingering a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red for free"
"Being popular on twitter is like being the keynote speaker at a Dementia Convention. No one remembers you the next day."
"What's the difference between a Brit and an American? The Brit got kicked out and the American did the kicking."