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Joke of the Day

"<job interview> It says here on your resume that you are a ""self-proclaimed man of few words."" Would you like to elaborate on that? Me: no"

"What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you are NOT going to like it as an adult."

"What do porn stars have and comedians are? Professional Assholes."

"What is a pirate's favorite material? Arrr-gyle."

"WARNING: KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN- DO NOT STAND TOO CLOSE TO THEM, THEY ARE GROSS AND WILL ASK YOU FOR STUFF"

"If she shovels shit at the local zoo, then she's a keeper"

"Who called it death by autoerotic asphyxiation and not final fantasy"

"What's the best part about fingering a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red for free"

"Being popular on twitter is like being the keynote speaker at a Dementia Convention. No one remembers you the next day."

"What's the difference between a Brit and an American? The Brit got kicked out and the American did the kicking."