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Joke of the Day

"I don't want to tell an anal joke... But fuck it."

"Thank you 2015 for... Bees?"

"If Ryan Gosling doesn't ask me to be his valentine, I'm moving on. This ship has sailed. This ball has sunk. This fart has flatulated."

"(NSFW) What did the haddock get covered in at the fish orgy? SALMONal fluid"

"Apparently there's enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot."

"Dude it's 2014 if your kids aren't sending nudes left and right and cross platform then you gotta worry about their technological literacy."

"Went to the Planetarium to do some stargazing but I didn't see one celebrity. Rip-off!"

"Why was Tigger always filthy? Because he was playing with Pooh."

"Now then - what's an oxymoron?"

"What is a worm's favorite city in Alabama? Squirming-ham"