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Joke of the Day

"I was mugged today... I was mugged in an alley today, all they took was my mood ring. I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he's attempting to get his hoodie back. He's in for one hell of a life lesson."

"Awww. It looks like the neighbors are having the police dept over for brunch.."

"nicest girl - You're the nicest girl and prettier than I have known - You what you want is fuck me - Wow and smarter."

"How did people charge their phones before electricity? They didn't...!"

"What do the French have between the 2nd and 3rd course? Intercourse."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Census ! Census who ? Census presents for Christmas !"

"If we all just agree that we're fine, we'll never again have to ask each other how we are."

"""You are what you eat"" I chant furiously, shoving another roach in my mouth. Mushroom clouds keep growing in the distance"

"You know you're getting old when you sound like a women's tennis match just trying to get out of bed."