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Joke of the Day

"Why don't you people see how racist Pokemon Go is??? All of my friends are now talking about how they have to catch Amal."

"How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic? You take the pizza delivery sign off"

"What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common? In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier."

"My gf asked me if I'm cumin I said no, 'cause your papwreaksa"

"My mate asked me why I have sex noises saved on my ipod. ""I said, ""It's for sound effects during sex."" ""He asked, ""Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?"" ""I replied, ""No, I work in a morgue."""

"""Write this down."" [Moses grabs tablet] ""Thou shalt not steal [raises eyebrow] where did you get that tablet from?"""

"Make love not war... Or do both - get married."

"What's a rapper's favorite candy? Eminems."

"Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better."

"Boyfriend is talking about taking me on a camping trip. Like, a real one where we'll sleep in a tent and pee outside. Is he mad at me?"