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Joke of the Day

"This evening I watched a Series of Unfortunate Events Then I turned off the news and watched Netflix."

"If you love someone let them go. If they come back they probly forgot their keys or something & yikes that's gonna be an awkward 30 seconds."

"Hipsters only know their weight in Instagrams."

"I need a new bad decision."

"Started my new healthy diet today. Breakfast is 2 almonds, I lick an apple for lunch, and dinner is yelling at a picture of myself naked."

"What do you call someone with no body and just a nose ? Nobody knows"

"What do you call a bunch of high Mexicans? Baked Beans"

"How can you tell a bernie sanders supporter from a hillary supporter? There age"

"A Freudian slip is when you say something by mistake that gives away What you were really wanking about...I mean thinking about. -Ricky Gervais"

"I came into a lot of money today. But now the bills are all stuck together :("