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Joke of the Day

"Ugh: I hid three dozen raw eggs in the house last night after taking Ambien and now I can't find them."

"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"

"I hate when it rains cats and dogs.... I just stepped in a poodle."

"Do thin girls know about delicious food?"

"Whats blue and doesn't weigh much? Light Blue."

"idk about you but I still remember what I was doing when I found out Kennedy had been shot: sitting at home, reading the JFK Wikipedia page"

"Its probably time to clean the microwave when you heat coffee and it comes out smelling like a burrito."

"I asked Kanye West if he'd seen Inception & he opened the locket around his neck revealing a photo of me asking him of he'd seen Inception."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline"

"What number is higher than infinity? 420"