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Joke of the Day

"[On WebMD] I have a sore throat [Throat cancer] I wasn't done, and a stomach ache. [Cancer] Couldn't it be the flu? [If it wasn't cancer]"

"My german shepard doesn't like dog food, so we have that in common."

"Why do Christian bands only record with Pro Tools? Because they don't understand how to use Logic or Reason."

"What diploma do criminals get? The third degree."

"My doctor said I had an iron deficiency and I asked him how he could tell. He pointed at my crinkled shirt."

"What is Bruce Lee's favorite beverage? Wataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

"I like to sit on my hands until they go numb so it feels like somebody else is doing my dishes."

"*makes graveyard even scarier by carving all the tombstones into shark fins*"

"Mom 1: My son's gonna be a pro baseball player Mom 2: Mines gonna be a doctor Me: My son shows strong signs of being able to escape prison"

"I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. Although the doctor says I am okay, I still feel like I dyed a little inside."