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Joke of the Day

"I'm in a complex relationship My girlfriend is imaginary."

"*hears suspicious noise in backyard, is too lazy to get up & investigate* *smells cookies baking at neighbors house, immediately goes over*"

"Why can't they teach drivers ed on the same day as sex ed in Egypt? Wears out the camel."

"""Hello, Pizza Hut"" Hi, how many slices are on a large pizza? ""eight"" And a medium? ""eight"" *long pause* I'd like to speak with your manager"

"Pretty weird to think that in the future, there will be old people named 'Hailey' and 'Brayden' running around in vintage Twilight t-shirts."

"I accidentally stabbed myself with a pen It drew blood."

"Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it."

"Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick."

"i don't think women should stay in the kitchen... i mean, how are they supposed to clean the rest of the house from there?"

"I watched my first Porn the other day I looked so much younger back then!"