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Joke of the Day

"The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet."

"How is a woman like a condom? Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick."

"Pizza slices are like fucks. I give none."

"Turns out when you're a grown up, you CAN do anything you want, you just have to deal with the fallout... *pizza dough plops on head*"

"What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's brown and runny? Usain Bolt."

"What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? One will see you later; the other one will see you in a while."

"What was FDR's most famous maritime obscenity law? The Nude Eel."

"When I die I want my tombstone to read, ""Did stuff""."

"What do you call a shark with no friends? A lone shark"

"If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it... ...then my illegal logging business is a success"