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Joke of the Day
"What does a masturbating Latvian sound like? One potato two potato three potato splat!"
Next Joke
"I'm feeling more attracted to you lately. Have you put on weight?"
"When you're at someone's house? Normal people: ""What a lovely house!"" Me: ""What's your wifi password?"""
"Have you ever met a fractal? They're so conceited. I mean, they're so full of themselves."
"How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask which period it came from."
"Neil Armstrong: now where did I park my car? [presses key button] [tiny orange light flashes on the moon] god dammit"
"If I get nervous for a date, I just imagine the guy in his underpants, sitting on my couch for the next 40 years, & suddenly I'm annoyed"
"Wife: Where'd you buy my gift? Me: Bed Bath & Beyond Wife: You used a coupon right? Me: Coupon? *wife faints*"
"I love playing ""Army men"" with my Girlfriend I just lay on the ground an she blows the hell outta me"
"I'd like to make a toast... Someone get me some bread and butter"