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Joke of the Day

"LPT: How to tie an extremely difficult knot Just put it in your pocket. Works like a charm with my headphones every time."

Next Joke
 
"ME: What's your favorite movie? DATE: Girl Interupt- ME: *drops fork* What is it? DATE: Girl Interu- ME: *burps* Sorry. Go on. DATE: Fargo"
"Dude you're like my fridge... Super cool. (Best used when a friend is bragging about themselves)"
"I would describe most of my social interactions at parties as ""when you turn on the kitchen faucet and the water hits a spoon in the sink"""
"Alien Invasion Will an alien invasion affect my plans for world domination?"
"What does Tony Romo and a porn star have in common? They both know how to choke."
"Cons of being on The Walking Dead: Almost everyone you know is dead & the world is a desolate zombie wasteland Pros: No more Adobe updates!"
"RT if you've followed someone on twitter and then realized you hate them."
"""The toilet is overflowing."" -Sir Isaac Newton"
"What do you call an attraction to your own mummy? A dedipus complex."