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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry I poked your baby with your selfie stick but I didn't really know what to do with either of them."

"What did God say to the cheese that sinned? Gouda Hell."

"My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says ""declined"" whenever you use it."

"What were the Virgin Islands called, after Chuck Norris visited them? The Islands"

"Why can't a T-Rex clap? Because they're all dead"

"Professor X can move objects with his mind If Professor X can move objects with his mind, why can't he make his legs move??"

"Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers."

"will you marry me? ""OMG YES! I love you!!!"" *imagines typing only 4 characters for 'wife' instead of 'girlfriend' on Twitter* I love you too"

"When Lionel Messi dies.. He should have his Argentinian team mates bury him so they can let him down one last time.."

"What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time? Quantum Mechanics."