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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry I poked your baby with your selfie stick but I didn't really know what to do with either of them."

"wife: Why didn't you talk to me about renting a bouncy house?! me [stops jumping]: You would have said no"

"Interviewer: You're hired.. Me: Thank you so much! You won't live to regret this.. Interviewer: What? Me: huh?"

"I used to be a man trapped in a woman's body But then my mother gave birth"

"What do you call a large group of people who spit on others? The Salivation Army."

"Did you guys hear about how Mattel took back all those Terminator action figures? It was a *Total Recall*"

"I've yet to find a romantic comedy that speaks to me. Maybe if they set it in an institution or an Arby's restroom."

"Just watched a commercial...How is it possible that the side effect for asthma medication is shortness of breath?"

"Red grape juice is fine obviously but white wine for Eucharist??? just stay home you are clearly not saved"

"How do you call it, when the internet is not working in Germany? ""InterNEIN"""