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Joke of the Day

"Perfect pickup line No, baby, those aren't warts, I'm just ribbed for your pleasure."

"I need to get my shit together. It's in little piles in my kitchen & then there's some more in my wife's closet."

"Space Joke What did the engineers say to the crew of astronauts after they discovered they didnt install the rockets correctly.... Guys, we really Apollo-gize"

"*makes sure kids are asleep* *walks out to car* *slowly unwraps candy bar* *hears knock on window* *puts head down* *hands it to them*"

"The less you know, the more you think you do."

"Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear."

"You called me ""muffin""....did you mean blueberry or chocolate chip?"

"I didn't vote for Trump, but at least Now I get to find out how He's going to Build That Wall and make Mexico pay for it."

"How to freak someone out. 1. Find someone on Facebook with the same name as you. 2. Steal their profile picture. 3. Poke them."

"What is the difference between a bowling ball and a sorority girl? You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball"