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Joke of the Day

"44 of my Facebook friends changed their profile pictures. My life is fucking insane."

"Where am I? I don't know where I am, but there's a huge nuke in front of me, obviously supposed to be secret. I'm terrified. I ran."

"You can't spell anal rash without Sarah Palin."

"Every time I forget to feed my cat, I thank god that I wasn't a teen mom. Because that child would not be OK today."

"I must remember...no matter how well hidden I might be in my cardoard box fort, my boss can still track me down by the giggling."

"Dear math, I dont wanna help you find your ""x"" she left you, move on"

"If I've learned one thing from watching horror movies, it's if you buy snacks from vending machines, you will die."

"Dude's trunk just popped open in front of me on the expressway ramp. I instinctively looked to see if any of you were in there."

"What does a cow say in the winter? I'm udderly freezing!"

"When I Grow Up When I grow up I want to be like Prince... Dead."