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Joke of the Day

"Me: You're going to disagree with this statement. Wife: No I'm not."

"What did the bread say after its massage? Ahh, I kneaded that."

"What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room? Refusing to fill out the guest comment card."

"""I remember one time I brought my report card home and said 'Hey Dad, I got a B in Reading!"" He just said ""That's a D, you idiot."""

"What happened when Jesus forgot to look both ways? He died on the cross!"

"My girlfriend surprised me with a car! It's a good thing she missed me."

"Some people are like Slinkies... Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but they can still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."

"Exits public bathroom stall Makes eye contact with the person next in line Mouths: ""I'm so sorry"""

"what do you call a magical dog? A Labracadabrador."

"YO MAMA SO STUPID WHEN THEY SAID THAT IT IS CHILLY OUTSIDESHE WENT OUTSIDE WITH A BOWL AND A SPOON."