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Joke of the Day

"If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer"

"Hey John, we expend every night together watching the moon and the stars. What we are? We are security guards Peter!"

"I deleted all the German contacts out of my phone... now its Hans free"

"FACEBOOK asks me what I'm thinking, TWITTER asks me what I'm doing, FOURSQUARE asks me where I am. Conclusion: Internet is my girlfriend!"

"Im excited to have Tubman on the twenty So we can use black people as currency again"

"From my 8yo daughter: What do you call a boat made out of corn? A: A tortilla ship!"

"[wife explaining to me how deaths in movies work] So the actors really don't die? ""No"" So is Abraham Lincoln really not dead? *she sighs*"

"The lobotomist ran off with my wife... And I think he took off with my better half."

"What is the core of Uranus called Urectum"

"whats black and burns? stevie wonder answering the iron"