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Joke of the Day

"The best part of Hey Jude is when The Beatles realise the lyrics are terrible and think 5 minutes of na-na-na will distract us, and it does."

"Her: You spent our entire life savings on dogs Me: They're golden retrievers, Karen. They retrieve gold. I did it for us"

"Q: How did the chewing gum cross the road? A: By sticking to the chicken's foot."

"I wear a ski mask wherever I go but only rob ski resorts. It's quite ingenious really. Let me explain..."

"There is no ""I"" in ""team."" But there's an ""I"" in ""Tim,"" and my friend Carlos pronounces it ""team."" So there."

"Why is ""abbreviation"" such a long word? "

"Did you hear about the scarecrow who won a Nobel Prize? He's out standing in his field."

"""There are Nutella stains all over the silverware."" It can't be me. I lick them before I keep them inside."

"The Irishman's dilemma. Do you eat the potatoes now or do you let them ferment so you can drink them later?"

"May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean"