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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a hippie on fire and a lifetime supply of patchouli? I don't wish for a lifetime supply every time I smell patchouli."

"""Gunman"" is too cool-sounding. Can we start calling them something that conveys weakness, like ""pistoleer?"""

"Policeman: Didn't you see the signs with the speed limit? Driver: I thought they were just suggestions."

"Apple is suing Qualcomm for selling them overpriced chips. Punchline ends."

"My friend once said, ""If I wasn't making cocktails, I'd be a criminal."" Now he's behind bars."

"Casual conversations are just like casual sex. I don't know how to have either one."

"I had sex with two indians last night... it was in tents! (intense)"

"I used to be a head chef. I guess it's just part of being a cannibal."

"Rick Astley will lend you his Pixar collection... But he's never gonna give you Up."

"How many buzzfeed employees does it take to screw a lightbulb? Click here to find out!"