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Joke of the Day

"Dating tip: to impress your date, put a napkin on your lap. Along with your plate. And the table. And the waiter. You're now the restaurant."

"Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up."

"I just taught the dance floor a fucking lesson."

"Just signed up for free HBO, but the terms and conditions were so steep I think I also agreed to carry Steve Buscemi's baby."

"Since you guys like clean jokes, here is one."

"Although ""Appreciate the little things"" is good life advice, It's not something to say in bed."

"The battery level on my phone pretty much dictates my life."

"What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut? Remove only the top 1% please."

"If you stand for nothing you'll fall for anyone who offers you a chair because standing is fucking exhausting."

"Which country has many spaces to put your car in? Park-istan!"