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Joke of the Day

"Wait so does Smashing Pumpkins refer to destroying pumpkins or are they just super good pumpkins in England"

"According to every 80s movie ever, the only way to get home from school is by standing up in the back of a Jeep Wrangler with 5 other people"

"Don't EVER let anyone tell you you're not worth anything. You can get at least ten grand for one of your kidneys."

"""Suicide Squad"" looks like a bunch of people Avril Lavigne hangs out with."

"I'm really good in bed. When you compare it to how fucking awful I am out of it."

"What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common? They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November."

"When a woman says, ""I'm NOT crazy"" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That's universal for, ""You're going to die."""

"I hate it when you're sitting on the bus... ...and the local weirdo gets on and sits next to you. You know the type. The ones that watch you masturbate."

"What do you call a Black Abortion clinic? Crime Stoppers."

"[yelling over loud strip club music] DO YOU ACCEPT KOHLS KASH"