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Joke of the Day

"I was never a big believer in feng shui, UNTIL I took the urinal off my livingroom wall. It's like freaking magic!"

"I like my coffee how I like my employees Free and Black (I know this joke is around but I feel like this is the best wording) Don't downvote because it's racist, it's still a joke"

"What is a baby elephant after he is five weeks old ? Six weeks old !"

"The guy installing the new security system said we should upgrade because of the increasing crime rate. Typical alarmist."

"If you get divorced in West Virginia... Are you still considered brother and sister?"

"'Sorry officer but how was I to know that weird noise my car was making was a bicycle stuck in my mudflap?'"

"One Girl, Two Cups would be a terrible name for a bra shop."

"When Miley Cyrus licks a sledgehammer naked, it's art. When I do it, I'm drunk and told to leave Home Depot."

"Two muffins are sitting in an oven... The first muffin looks over and goes ""man, it's really hot in here."" The second muffin replies ""HOLY SHIT! A TALKING MUFFIN!"""

"I ate one of those artisan pizzas and now I can't stop painting my bathroom."