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Joke of the Day

"I almost crashed into the semi in front of me while I was looking at a hot construction worker. That would've been an embarrassing obituary."

"I saved 100 orphans from a burning building. Do they call me ""The Orphan Saver?"" No. I butchered 20 men with my bare hands in WWI, but so they call me ""The Butcher?"" No. But you fuck one goat...."

"What do you call an unsuccessful Jewish pirate? Les Goldman"

"A bug zapper, but for people trying to come into my office."

"Apparently it's 'inappropriate' to show up at your therapist's home to swim in her new pool even though your 'boundary issues' paid for it."

"I see a border patrol car drive by... So I ask my mexican co-woker if he has his visa. He looks at me cofused for a minute then says ""no no I only have debit card"" (true story)"

"The dildo I bought didn't come with instructions But I guess it's just plug-n-play"

"Raped by a canadian A woman called the police saying she was raped by a canadian, the policeman asked how she knew he was canadian. She said he said sorry after."

"My new year's resolution is to stop using spray deodorant. Roll on 2015!"

"they used to allow cell phones on airplames but the pasengers kept textimg the pilots to do loop-de-loops & barrel rols. it was too rad"