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Joke of the Day

"Did you guys here about what was going on at Mount Rushmore before the carvings? Man, that shit was unpresidented."

"What's the difference between a cloths hanger and a flight of stairs? The cloths hanger only solves one problem."

"Which U.S. state abbreviation is the best? I'm not sure, but Oklahoma's is OK."

"[first date] *Ok don't let her know you're a vampire* ""Would you like a mint?"" *reaches in pocket, pulls out SPF 5,000,000,000* ""Dammit"""

"What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATHE!"

"What Olympic event that involves throwing should be eliminated? Discuss"

"Social Security. Get it? You will when you're 65."

"What do you call Whoopi Goldberg after sex? A Whoopi pie."

"I went into hospital for keyhole surgery. I woke up with lock-jaw. The nurses are still looking into it."

"Glad I'm not a general, because auto-correct just changed ""lunch order"" to ""launch order."""