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Joke of the Day

"You win some, you booze some!"

"It's not that hard to tell alligators and crocodiles apart... ...One will see you later, whereas the other will see you in a while."

"[shipwreck diary] Day 44: Some of the survivors have resorted to drinking their own piss. Nobody wants to drink mine cos it's 'too chunky'."

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I'd never pay to have a lentil on my face"

"ME: My name is Nigel and I'm an alcoholic. AA GROUP: Hi Nigel. *cut to confessional camera* ME: I'm here to WIN, not to make friends."

"Bring in 2015 the same way you came into this world. Naked and screaming."

"If smoking is bad for you... Why does it cure salmon?"

"What's the difference between a group of pigmies and a lesbian track team? One of them is a bunch of cunning runts"

"Q:Of the set; 689 and 986, which is larger? A) 689 B)986 C) Who cares, as long as they are having a good time!"

"Why is 6 afraid of 9 on New Years Eve? Because 9, 8, 7...."