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Joke of the Day

"I think i'm spending too much time around my gf's family. I mean, her husband's going to notice sooner or later."

"A Las Vegas joke Criss Angel"

"putting 'official' in your username to let all of your 37 followers know it's the real you"

"Somebody has stolen my Microsoft office But I will find them. You have my Word."

"""As the crow flies"" means something entirely different when it's ""in your living room"" and you are ""hiding in the closet with your cat."""

"The greatest trick the devil ever played was offering a buy one get one free sale one day after you already purchased two at regular price."

"My uncle was a weird man...Artificial Legs.... Real feet"

"Why do dogs lick their dicks? Because they can."

"THIS IS THE POLICE. COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP. ""Wrong house guys."" ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? ""Yup, happens a lot."" OKAY COOL, SORRY."

"wife: What's the best moment of your life? me: That time I won a stuffed dino- wife: That didn't involve a dinosaur me: Our wedding"