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Joke of the Day
"Whiskey diet I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already"
Next Joke
"When does one plus one equal three? Nine months later."
"My dad was a construction site thief When I got home all the signs were there."
"Apparently Bill Clinton is so sure that Hillary is going to win that he stopped at the tobacco store and bought a box of cigars. He has interviews scheduled for his new interns all day."
"My kids are giving all the people on this plane a hard lesson in birth control right now."
"[rose from the movie titanic a couple years later sitting on crowded bus] excuse me, can you slide over so I ca- ""NO, there's no room"""
"Why do married men love golf so much? Because it's not the same three holes over and over again."
"The U.S. instituted a new law after a man dressed as Santa committed a felony. It was called the Santa Clause."
"Marvel announce the new Thor is female, to show that women are equal. Issue 1 sees Thor return the hammer back to her husband's toolbox."
"Me: ""I'm so lonely."" Microscopic organism: ""Wow, I'm right here."""