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Joke of the Day

"Exercise can add years to your life. This enables you, at 95 years, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $7,000 a month."

"CIA: So what did you call that new tracking software we put on everyone's iPhone? NSA: ""U2's New Album"""

"Hear about the state-of-the-art amputation device? All I know is it's pretty cutting edge..."

"I asked my friend if he wanted to hear some dubstep. He said, ""Tech, no!"""

"Peter: My brother wants to work badly! Anita: As I remember he usually does !"

"I just want to have the poker face of a toddler that tells you that they didn't poop their pants."

"[date] W: I'm really into astronomy. M: Oh! What's your sign? W: The one that knows the difference between science & superstitious idiocy."

"I lost one of mom's Tupperware at work and now I'm looking for a new family to adopt me."

"I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?"

"Reddit More like shmreddit"